Author: ymcguire92

I'm a 44 year old who was diagnosed with Bipolar and severe anxiety disorder. My blog is to help those who want to know that yes there are other's going through the same things you do. You are not alone

When is Enough Really Enough

You ever been in a situation you know won’t get better. No matter how hard you try to change or add to the situation, it just keeps getting worse and  worse. Life is funny that way. Today I learned an aunt with the same name as my mom, who I don’t remember meeting, passed away. It doesn’t hurt any less. She’s still a part of my Family Tree.

Life is too short to dwell on hurt and pain. Those who say they’ve learned to deal with it, well they’re mostly in therapy or headed in that direction. There are everyday roadblocks like, you really wanted a tomato, lettuce, and cheese sandwich (my southern roots will always show) but there’s no mayo or bread. Then there’s the roadblocks you feel you will never get over. You’ve lost a loved one, someone dumped you or you’re best friend decided to move you down a notch. Whatever the case, here’s what not to do.

Usually I would stop eating and become a wine connosieur which wasn’t healthy because there were nights I would pass out and wake up to my alarm letting me know it was time for work. I would repeat this same cycle throughout the week until Saturday came. Oh the weekend was the best because I could sit in my home with the curtains drawn, eating olives, drinking wine, and watching Martin reruns. I’d have a constant stream of tears running down my face. LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, THIS IS NOT A GOOD LOOK!!!!!

light nature sky sunset
Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

The turning point for me was speaking with some wise women who told me I didn’t love myself enough. That plus, therapy helps. You see I’m learning in order to be that great relative, partner, and best friend you have to love yourself enough to know life isn’t  that dance you do when you hear your favorite song on the radio. Life can sometimes be that meeting that ran over so you missed a few minutes of your nephew’s recital or you leaving a few minutes late means you’ll be stuck in traffic longer.

I guess what I’m saying is Love who you are and what makes you different. I’m learning that daily and I crack myself up all the time. As a matter of fact, I’m hysterical. Give it a try. I promise you’ll love it. Until next time………

 

Yoki

 

Sometimes you just have to cry

This week has been really trying for me. I have a new therapist who was much appreciated on Monday of this week. So this is what led me to her.

Since, I can remember I’ve always been a people pleaser. I had this fear of rejection and abandonment that ran deep. It seems no matter where I went or how far I tried to run, I’d always end up in the same situation. I end up in relationships where I give up my freedom, so to speak, so the other person can be happy. Life shouldn’t be that way and I’m here to tell  you if that’s what you have to do to be liked, sweetie find a new way of making friends.

As I’m speaking with my therapist, I’m snotting and shoulders are shaking but after that cry I realized, this is my fault. At the age of 1 a child knows the word NO. Why is it so hard to say NO as an adult for some of us? We bring all our baggage with us from childhood relationships to adult relationships. In my mind I’m thinking you idiot its YOU!

As of Monday, the realization that I willingly get in relationships and give away my control sickened me. You see I have prided myself on being this independent woman who takes crap from no one. Wrong!!!!! So now that I know what the problem is, lets find a solution. Therapy, therapy, therapy is the answer. I’m not talking about the presciber (psychiatrist, although we may need to visit this MD as well),  I’m talking about the listener (psychologist). 

I can’t blame or point the finger at anyone else but myself. It’s up to me to change as a person in order for others around me to change. 2019 will be my year and yours too. I’m claiming that for us. You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to, agree to anything that makes you feel uncomfortable and if people don’t like it, well there’s the door. I said it, YES!!!!!! THERE’S THE DOOR!!! Until next time folks. Stay positive, and remember there’s always light at the end of the tunnel.

 

Yoki Mac