Sometimes you just have to cry

This week has been really trying for me. I have a new therapist who was much appreciated on Monday of this week. So this is what led me to her.

Since, I can remember I’ve always been a people pleaser. I had this fear of rejection and abandonment that ran deep. It seems no matter where I went or how far I tried to run, I’d always end up in the same situation. I end up in relationships where I give up my freedom, so to speak, so the other person can be happy. Life shouldn’t be that way and I’m here to tell  you if that’s what you have to do to be liked, sweetie find a new way of making friends.

As I’m speaking with my therapist, I’m snotting and shoulders are shaking but after that cry I realized, this is my fault. At the age of 1 a child knows the word NO. Why is it so hard to say NO as an adult for some of us? We bring all our baggage with us from childhood relationships to adult relationships. In my mind I’m thinking you idiot its YOU!

As of Monday, the realization that I willingly get in relationships and give away my control sickened me. You see I have prided myself on being this independent woman who takes crap from no one. Wrong!!!!! So now that I know what the problem is, lets find a solution. Therapy, therapy, therapy is the answer. I’m not talking about the presciber (psychiatrist, although we may need to visit this MD as well),  I’m talking about the listener (psychologist). 

I can’t blame or point the finger at anyone else but myself. It’s up to me to change as a person in order for others around me to change. 2019 will be my year and yours too. I’m claiming that for us. You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to, agree to anything that makes you feel uncomfortable and if people don’t like it, well there’s the door. I said it, YES!!!!!! THERE’S THE DOOR!!! Until next time folks. Stay positive, and remember there’s always light at the end of the tunnel.

Yoki Mac